The Woman Who Doesn't Want to Be Read, Blogs!

Can We Play a Game?

Let’s pretend you’re TOM.

“This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.” Tom and Summer [500 Days of Summer, 2009]

And I’m AUTUMN.

ImageTom : My name’s Tom. ll Girl at Interview: [shaking hands] Nice to meet you. I’m Autumn.

OR, NOT.

———————————————————–

Dear Tom,

I’m still clueless how Summer and the 500 days with her were gone just like that? If I were Summer, I would be contemplating on the tragedy of our love story and oh-mehn that was good old 500 days with you. 

But if I were Autumn, can we just forget I existed? Can we just bring back Summer and pretend it’s her and not me shaking hands with you? Can you both go back to square one realizing that—

“This is a story of boy meets girl, AND you should know upfront,

THIS IS A LOVE STORY.”

Tom & Summer

***Sakit ng mga taong di maka-usad-usad sa lovelife at “Sana Maulit Muli” ang naka-loop sa iPod.

On ‘The Mistress’ and Other Love Stories

Last night, me and my churchmates watched THE MISTRESS. I’ve always been a fan of John Lloyd AND his movies (more of Lloydie-Sarah tandem and not his movies with Bea). I find him really charming, at least his character portrayals are. Hihihi.

So, when I’ve watched the trailer of his movie, The Mistress, I was like- “Eh parang No Other Woman lang naman pala”. Altho I haven’t watched No Other Woman, I think it’s pretty obvious that they have the same plot: extra-marital affairs. *Togoinks* Also, I didn’t get to enjoy watching One More Chance before (with college orgmates!) because the thought that they were living together already was a turn off. Hence, I was puzzled why that movie became such a big hit; because it is not, to me. Anyhow, going back, although this movie was subject to my ay-bat-extra-marital-affair-ang-peg, I was really excited to see the movie and what will the twists and turns be. No doubt about this: John Lloyd is such a charmer! And, I supposed he is like that in real life. Oh noes. And I like Bea’s acting on this one. Compared to her acting before that is obviously, uhm, an acting.

Watching The Mistress or other romantic films definitely evokes the desire to be swept-off-of-your-feet by the man of your dreams. No wonder there are friends who opted not to watch romantic films. Before this, I was open (and somehow, content and happy) to the possibility of actually not ending up with someone. Seriously. Which I know, of course, is subject to the Lord’s will- if He wills it, game. If not, game parin. But last night, like a normal woman at this age, no matter how in-denial I may be, the movie would make you wish you have someone like JD/Erick (John Lloyd’s name/s in the movie) pursues you. Hoho. This made me go back to the: men were designed to pursue and women, to respond. However, what if no one is pursuing you at the moment? Don’t end up sulking not just because it’s pathetic (insert evil laugh here! hahaha!) but because we must be reminded to accept and love whatever season God has called us into; trusting that His ways are higher than ours. To find and live out our completeness in Him and not running around like a headless chicken looking for and running after people or things that we think would complete us. It would make a huge difference in our lives if we always, moment-by-moment, fix our eyes on Jesus. I know a thousand JDs/Ericks would be just a tiniest dot compared to how He loves and pursues us. I don’t want to spiritualize things and invalidate my own, ehem, longings and desires BUT there is truth to always going back to our First Love. And in my bed, last night, I prayed that God will reign over my suppressed, undefined desires. And that I will get to experience the reality of His love that having or not having a JD/Erick in life won’t really be an issue at all.

‘Til the next romantic film! I will surely come prepared 😉

On The Less Complicated Life

Few days ago, I was contemplating on some decisions in life. Or if I’ll have to make a decision, in the first place. However, that is what NOT this post is all about BUT what was triggered by some contemplations. This is about reliving my so-called less complicated life.

Every time that I’m faced with ‘complications’, I’m always tempted to go back to my college years. Oh those years when my life JUST revolved around- ministry, academics, friendships and fun crushlife (ehem). When my parents would just give me my allowance. When all I have to do is manage my priorities that I deemed heavy-but-wait-til-you-leave-the-university, ha!

I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies: Hello Sunken Garden.

When I was on my first job, I managed to still stay within the vicinity of UP Diliman. I think UP has its wonders of extracting all the toxins that you got from work and in providing you with your much-needed breathe of fresh air. And I do that most of the time; if not everyday. Just the sight of Sunken Garden or of walking aimlessly around the Acad Oval give me much relief. Fellowship or hanging out with friends is doing the trick as well. I would make time meeting my college friends. Needless to say that I would get pissed off by last-minute work demands that would require my presence in the office, hence my absence in the dinner with my ‘support group’.

It has been 4 years since I left UP. I know it would be non-sense to time travel and wish that everything would be on a standstill. The experience, however, taught me to:

1. Live at the Moment– I would wish to graduate when I had to badly cram for school requirements or study for next day’s exam. Or to wish to have a job right away just because everyone’s either studying or working and I’ve got nothing worthy to do just yet. But living your life NOW matters so as not to miss on out what God is teaching you. Ecclesiastes 3:1 is a perfect reminder for me that truly, “there is an appointed time for everything”. Being a Christian who happened to be a student required me to excel in my acads. And now, being a Christian who happens to be part of the ‘working class’ requires me to glorify God with the works of my hands. Plus, I have my monthly rent, utilities, and bills to think of.

2. Seize the Learning– It is true that I have learned a lot from what I have gone through. Looking back, I praise God for how He has caused growth in my character whatever season in my life it may be. Things were never easy but through His grace, I was able to experience “joy in the morning after a night of weeping” (Psalm 30:5). And even up to this point, I know I have a lot to learn and experience still. It is just useless to go through struggles or cycle over and over.

One happy birthday with some of the college friends. Photo taken at THE happy place.

3. Value your Friendships– My friends in college are still my friends now even though I am not meeting some of them on a regular basis. It is good to be journeying with people with the same God and convictions as you. They are the picture of Proverbs 27:17, as “iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens one another”. You learn from them and hopefully, they get to learn from you as well.

And ultimately,

4. Depend on God– Yes, as the branches MUST abide in the vine lest, it dies (John 15). Sufferings bring us closer to God. And sure it did in my life. Reading my past journals, I know there have been tendencies to “look for love in all the wrong places”- the comforts of certainty, of home, of UP or life in UP, of being with friends, or of even doing ministry. And I thank God for He knows whenever my deceitful heart is on a roll. The other day, I found myself alone in a quiet spot at Sunken Garden. No friends whom I can run to. But it snatched me out of my fast-paced world, forced me to be still and to sort my heart out with God.

The complicated life is no big deal at all if this would draw me closer to the True Life-Giver. Pray with me that I would do just that- as the branches cling unto the Vine; may I cling unto Him, through His enabling grace.

When I Grow Up

When I was in kindergarten, our teachers would have us recite this: “When I grow up, I want to be a/an _________”. We will fill in the blank with how do we picture ourselves in the future.

“When I grow up, I want to be a missionary.” I remember a conversation with my Tito when I was still a kid asking him what would happen to tribes people just in case no one will climb up there in the mountains and share with them the Gospel? I want to become, like Isaiah, when he said, “Here I am, Lord, send me.” I want to share the Gospel to the unreached people group.

Later on, however, it evolves to becoming a doctor. A missionary doctor. I am not a fan of hospitals. As a child, my parents would warn us not to go to hospitals because we might catch different types of diseases. We grew up equating hospitals to a place of dying people. Such a scary place (even up to now!). But I’m a fan of medical missions. Of going to places and of helping the needy. Had I been excellent in my Science subjects, I could have become a doctor now and become actively involved in med missions. But I was not.

“When I grow up, I want to be a lawyer.” I would watch debates on TV when I was in grade school. I would practice my share of rebuttals in front of the mirror. Haha. I even memorized the names of the cabinet members  and familiarized myself with the current events. But when in high school, I have realized that I want to be a teacher like my mom. I would want to influence young lives. And as they say, teaching is a noble job.

Fast foward: I took up Tourism in UP Diliman. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because I love to travel. However, as my college professor said, anyone can travel even without a degree in Tourism. I couldn’t agree more. But still, it didn’t change the fact that I studied and graduated without really knowing specifically what to do in life.

Hello first job. I worked in an events and marketing company for almost 2 years. And in my first few weeks, I already knew that the job was not for me. Talk about forbearance, huh? Then a call came, then came my second job. Voila, I found myself working in a Christian company. I am now in the business of influencing lives through the platform of sports with a setup way different from my first job.

I don’t know if this has something to do with too-early-for-quarter-life-crisis-thingy or is it just the innate desire to maximize one’s potential that I am getting confused now? *Croo croo* I know I cannot be a lawyer or a doctor, neither a teacher. If I were asked what I wanted to be or do, I know I would stick with this predicament- I don’t want a passionless life. I just want to be where God wants me to be. As for where that is? I am not sure I know. Maybe I’m in the right place at the moment. Or not? Or maybe, just maybe, God wanted me to ultimately know Him and make him known in whatever circumstance or career I am in right now. Whatever the case is, I know I need to intently listen to Jesus and be quick to obey.

To summarize my thoughts, let me share few quotes from my favorite author, John Piper from his book Don’t Waste Your Life-

Thanks journeytheway.com for this apt illustration.

“I am wired by nature to love the same toys that the world loves. I start to fit in. I start to love what others love. I start to call earth “home.” Before you know it, I am calling luxuries “needs” and using my money just the way unbelievers do. I begin to forget the war. I don’t think much about people perishing. Missions and unreached people drop out of my mind. I stop dreaming about the triumphs of grace. I sink into a secular mind-set that looks first to what man can do, not what God can do. It is a terrible sickness. And I thank God for those who have forced me again and again toward a wartime mind-set.”

“Desire that your life count for something great! Long for your life to have eternal significance. Want this! Don’t coast through life without a passion.”

“But whatever you do, find the God-centered, Christ-exalting, Bible-saturated passion of your life, and find your way to say it and live for it and die for it. And you will make a difference that lasts. You will not waste your life.”

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